August 11th

I haven’t written about the last few days because I feel as though, they are very similar to the days before. I feel as though I am waiting always. Waiting for practice. Waiting for an answer about VISA, waiting to work. I wish for a routine, and to be able to find a grove that feels good to me. I am struggling this morning because I don’t have that, and we have the day off today so the thing that makes me the happiest playing hockey isn’t an activity of the day. I find myself wanting to be in my house and with my family and friends. I feel very alone and very isolated. We had a lovely week full of walking in the city, laying on the beach on the west coast of Sweden and enjoying Fika. We worked hard though workouts and practice and everything seems to be coming together. I just miss my home, my family, and their arms. I probably sound like a broken record, but it is my reality. Yesterday, we had a wonderful day at the beach. It was unlike any other beach that I have been to. Rocky shores and little wave lead way to hundreds of boats parked in countless docks and ports. I find that when we are busy, and my mind is busy the days are fun and comfortable. I have decided that once I am in a routine it will be better and cannot wait to move to our permanent home and work all the details out. I am at some point going to have to travel out of the country to obtain my visa but am waiting on the dates for that. I find comfort in my team and in the time at the rink and any minute my mind is occupied. I have had many first and many new experiences. I am learning to embrace the feeling of being uncomfortable. Maybe this will help my hockey skills. I am finding comfort in listening to podcasts from home as well and really enjoy one from a professional goalie that lives in Steamboat. It is able mental strength in all levels of life and find it relatable to my situation. I will start writing a bit more and make that my routine until I move to move new house.