Is it over?

I am sitting hear writing this, waiting to receive a contract from another team. The last few weeks have been the hardest of my entire hockey career. This season I knew I was going to a team that needed to be rebuilt. I thought that rebuild was possible, I had hope and determination that myself and the 12 other girls that were there consistently would be able to turn something around. We made good strives, we won a game, we made things happen. It just wasn't enough and the business of hockey was too strong to overcome. Gothenburg Hockey Club my previous team folded. We were told to get our gear, and leave. Obviously that was difficult, but the most difficult part for me has been facing my thoughts. I am waiting for a contract from another team in our league, and waiting and having the patients to wait is difficult. This contract is not for sure, but it is the best that I will get and it keeps me in the league that I want to be in. I need this contract. My thoughts are not happy, I don't know how to spin that into a positive. I think that it is crazy how small the hockey world is though. I have been skating with two different teams in the area so that I am ready when I do get the call. At the skate last night, I met a scout for the Arizona Coyotes, he used to work for planet hockey and spent a lot of time in Colorado at there camps. He said to me "Don't live in the now, live for the future and for the team you will play on. The now sucks for you and there is no changing that, but the future is where you want to be." This man told me to be patience, and he gave me a bit of hope. I am going to be honest I am scared. I am someone that knows what they want in life, I always see what I am going to do and I take it. I am at a point where there is nothing that I can take, something has to be chosen for me. The stars have to align. I am good enough to play here, I am good enough to play in the SDHL and I just need someone else to believe that.

Over this last week I have also lost my best friends, or who I thought were my best friends. The series of event that occurred over the last week were not hidden. We all knew this was going to happen. We were on a sinking ship and I was trying to find a life vest. I was thinking about switch teams before we even knew were were folding and I was placing myself in a position to do so. I spoke to an agent not even 24 hours before we knew the team folded, and I was told that I could get a contract somewhere else possibly. This is the contract that I am waiting for. My friends have take that 24 hours as the end of our friendship. I did nothing wrong, I was just trying to ensure my hockey career. I think one of the hardest things of this situation is I see them going through this together, and I don't have someone to lean on anymore.

A couple days later:

I am still waiting, I have emailed all the teams in the league and I am waiting for responses. I wanna play in this league. It is where I want to be, where I need to be. I am tired of waiting but hope that good things come to those who wait. I have had several high level teams reach out to me from D1 and I am happy that if the SDHL doesn't work out I can go to a place that is competitive and work hard to get back to the SDHL next year. It is hard to be away from family and it is even harder to have patience. Hopefully I hear something soon. Until then I guess my thoughts are that god always has a path for you whether you like it or not. I am hopeful but with each day that hope I feel is dwindling a bit. It is Monday today, hopefully I hear something tomorrow. We shall see.