October

12th:

I have lots of thoughts. How am I so lucky to be able to have this experience.? I am in awe of this, but at the same time I know I have worked for this. I think that as humans we want others perceptions of what we are doing to be positive and supportive. I am playing hockey in the best league in the world. I am an assistance captain for a hockey team in the best league in the world. I am playing 35 minutes a game in the best league in the world. Those are the things that I want people to know. The whole truth is, I play for a bottom team in the league, we struggle every game to even compete and I questions if I am here because I am good enough or if I was pick because there was no one else to fill this roll. Despite all those things being partially true. I am here, I am living what my younger self only dreamed of and that give me chills. I think that even if the whole truths that I think are true, perspective is key to ever situation. I will work to make this team a better place, for myself and my team. In the process I will work to make myself better. The experience that I am gaining now is only adding to my resume and to my perspective of the world, hockey and life. You have to be different to be the best, and I like being different, now I just have to be the best. I am working everyday to be that way.

17th:

We won our first game this weekend and it is a relief but also a emphasis on how important winning is to the functioning of a team. We did it together and it was no one person that paved the way. I am happy for my team and I am happy that I was able to help in many ways. I want to play better though. I need to find the hunger to score again like I once did. Over the last week I put in extra time in the gym, worked on my face-offs and tried to train my mind to be in a better spot come game day. I don't think that it is my physical game that is struggling, I think that it is my desire, want and need to score. I am however thinking that as long as I keep working it will come. I want to say that I want to get back to the game that I used to play, but I don't want to go back. This league is the best in the world and the game that I am need to play shouldn't be equal to the one that I used to play. I need to evolve and change to bring forth an even better version of myself. I have it in me, I just need to find it. I am a goal scorer, I am a play maker, I just also need to be a defensive player and a grinder all together. When I put all those together then I will be comfortable with my playing. We have two big games this weekend and I am going to put it all together there. I find myself down when I don't get points in a game or when I don't contribute on the score sheet. For the last six years I have measured my ability on the points that I score or the assists that I get. The people closest to me, and my coaches have praised me for the point that I have created. I often feel as if I have had an awful game due to the lack of points scored or lack of assists. I need to change that because in our win, I did have a good game. It can always be better but I won face-offs, I tied up off the puck, I blocked shots. I did make mistakes and I will learn from them but I think that I need to focus on positives. Day off today, back to work (fun) tomorrow.

Below are some picture that have occurred over the month of October